Last week marked eight years since Nic Pizzolatto's much-loved cop classic, True Detective, was aired on HBO, and three years since the third (and latest) series was released. Whilst HBO confirmed a fourth series was in development back in early 2021, there's been little written or spoken about it since which doesn't exactly instil confidence. For now, we'll have to settle on the trilogy of series, each telling a new story with new characters.
Unlike a lot of the responses from critics and fans, I loved series two; the characters, the atmosphere, the clothes, the grimy low-down-dirty cop tales and brooding angst was great neo-noir. The actors really can't be faulted for any of their performances, and just as series one helped the reinvention of Matthew McConaughey, series two did the same to a lesser effect for Vince Vaughan (who went on to deliver ace performances in Zahler's Brawl in Cell Block 99 and Dragged Across Concrete) and it can be argued series three did it again for Stephen Dorff.
With it all the detectives fresh in the mind, I wanted to rack them up against each other in the classic form of Top Trumps.
Detective skills are out of 100; intelligence out of 50; tracking out of 20; style out of 20; sacrifice out of 10 and fighting skills out of 100. The scores are labelled at the top of each card and we have the following order.
1. Detective Rust Cohle
2. Detective Marty Hart
3. County Sheriff Ani Bezzerides
4. Detective Ray Velcoro
5. Detective Roland West
6. Detective Wayne Hays
7. Officer Paul Woodrugh
8. Detective Teague Dixon
Looking at the three series', we have Cohle and Hart taking the top two positions, and rightfully so. Series one is the accepted favourite, and they embody the all-round skillset required to be top detectives and ultimately have the biggest case on their hands, rooting out corruption all the way to the top. Cohle manages to take the top spot in detective skills and intelligence, his fastidious investigations lead him to take extensive notes and sketches in a large black ledger, earning him the moniker 'the taxman' amongst his peers. Hart plays the ying to Cohle's yang much of the time, he's smart, capable and charming, and the perfect foil to Cohle's intensity and pessimism. They are the ultimate detective pairing.
There are four characters from series two above; detectives Velcoro and Dixon, a highway officer Woodrugh and country sheriff Bezzerides. The latter lead the charge, scoring well from her smart decisions and well-honed knife skills, with Velcoro close behind as an all-rounder. Woodrugh, the 'fuckin' warrior God' has the best score for fighting skills, unsurprising given his background in special ops and demonstrated with his takedown of an ex special-forces security crew in the subway. Like Velcoro, he puts himself in harm's way to protect others, and makes the ultimate sacrifice. Dixon is the archetypal lazy detective, made all the more frustrating by the probability they'd actually be quite useful if they applied themselves. His demise comes from a chance bullet to the head during the raid on the Mexican drug den.
Series Three's Hays and West are only separated by a hair; the stoic lonely cowboy coming out on top over his partner, the cerebral 'lurp' (the former Vietnaam Long Range Renaissance Patrolman who hunts wild boar as a hobby obviously takes the maximum score for tracking). West takes the overall second spot for "fighting skills" in a series which is filled with people who can handle themselves, but the bar scene where he takes on about a dozen bikers and still manages to look like he has the upper hand has to be the ultimate display of hand to hand combat across the entire run.
And there we have it. Pizzolatto made an excellent cop show and thankfully gave us the detectives we deserve.
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